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Healthy Limits and Boundaries

It would surprise me if you have never been mad at yourself for not saying no to something you really didn't want to do.  If you have ever somehow overbooked or double-booked yourself, or if there been a time when you said you would do something and then didn't do it, you may be learning something about your personal limits.  You may be in a process of discovering the importance of knowing your own boundaries.

If this sounds familiar, you might want to investigate the cause, and there are many. One possibility is that you never learned that it is ok to say, “No, thank you", to an invitation or a request. And there are effective ways to decline a request without hurting the feelings of others!  Another possibility is that staying really busy is an efficient avoidance technique, a way to not acknowledge something that might be scary.  

Often the inability or unwillingness to own up to the fact that we don't want to do something is rooted in negative programming. Such "programming" resides in the subconscious part of our minds, that incredible part of us that keeps track of all bodily functions protects us from danger, and stores all memory and habits.

The negativity could result from many situations, from a thoughtless comment to critical parents to abuse. The early part of our lives teaches us about surviving, getting along, maintaining a low profile when necessary, and sometimes about hiding our feelings. We can even learn to hide them from ourselves!

 However, what may have been helpful, even essential, in growing up is often inappropriate as an adult.  Habitually trying to please others, doing things you don't want to do, and being unable to experience your emotions are examples of unproductive, unsatisfying behaviors. What you may notice is that, as an adult, the old programming is obsolete!

Changing the subconscious programming with hypnosis has been helpful for many people I've known who wanted to stop emotional eating, quit smoking, find motivation to exercise, and/or develop their potential. The essential cause for many of these situations is negative self-defeating ideas, attitudes and behaviors, and it can be corrected.

Being unhappy with yourself for not being honest with your preferences can signal your readiness to make a change. There is much that can be done.  It involves your willingness to increase self-esteem and self-confidence.  It may also benefit you to seek personal coaching as you initiate the process. It is about learning to realize and respect your own limits and boundaries, thus establishing a safe haven for yourself where it is ok to say no. It is ok to state your needs and preferences. It is ok to be assertive without being aggressive.

           Ultimately, it means loving yourself and knowing that it is ok, knowing that you are a lovable person and knowing that you deserve a happy healthy life!

          To reach Lainey, you can call Circleville Hypnotherapy, at 740-474-3417 or email her at eebright@columbus.rr.com